Since so many lifetimes, you have done so many sins. Why do you expect immediate achievement of perfection? It depends on previous piety. Do you feel deity as God? Is He reciprocating to your prayers? It is not mechanical. Are you feeling change of consciousness? You have read you are not this body, you are soul. How much conviction you have? Your action will tell. Action speaks louder than words.
Dust of Vrindavana is also transcendental. This is not ordinary dust. Krishna is still tending His cows here. One should be fortunate enough to see Him. One should be free from kama, krodha, lobha, moha, mada and matsarya.
Staying in dhama will be bhoga if you don’t serve.
One cannot come to Vrindavan by purchasing a ticket from any part of the world. You can’t realize Vrindavan. Who realizes Vrindavan? Our acharyas say, “vishaya chadiya kabe shuddha habe mana….” When our mind will be purified, when we‘ll give up sense gratification of materialistic life.” How can we give up? By the mercy of Lord Nityananda.
If you think you will get nice house, so many facilities, then this is not Vrindavan. Where there is sense gratification, there is no Vrindavan. What Krishna gives, you be happy with that, with bare necessities. Then Radharani will allow you to stay here. Otherwise get lost! Live very simple. Then you can stay. Don’t do aparadha to any living entity.
Every particle of dust of Vrindavan is worshipable. Every tree of Vrindavan is worshipable, and every devotee of Vrindavan is worshipable.