Grudge for some one means you drink poison and expect the other person to die.
Struggle with maya is like "A football match". You may be winning by 20-0 till the end wistle blows but at the last moment Maya becomes heavy and match ends with 20-21. You may be loosing by 0-20 till the end wistle blows but at the last moment Krishna's infallible mercy becomes heavy and the match ends with 21-20.
If you want to develop a particular quality, then serve the devotee who has that quality.